How to help her climax: 7 techniques women wish you knew but won’t say

That night seemed perfect. She made noise, she held you tight, and she said "that was amazing".

But what if there’s a good chance she didn’t actually climax?

Research shows many women have faked an orgasm to make a man feel good or to bring things to an end, and most men never notice.

The good news: this gap isn’t caused by women’s bodies. It comes from the way couples have sex, which means you can change it tonight.

The 30-second version

• 95% of heterosexual men usually or always climax, but only 65% of heterosexual women do
• Only about 18% of women say intercourse alone is enough; about 37% need clitoral stimulation as well
• In one study, 67% of women had faked an orgasm
• The keys: take your time, use hands and mouth, ask her, and let her go first

The gap most men don’t know about

A survey of more than 52,000 adults by Frederick and colleagues (2018) found that:

• 95% of heterosexual men usually or always climax during sex
• Only 65% of heterosexual women do

Researchers call this 30-point difference the "orgasm gap". A 2020 review by Mahar and colleagues concluded that the main cause isn’t women’s biology, since most women climax readily on their own, but that heterosexual sex tends to revolve around intercourse, which men enjoy but which isn’t what most women need to climax.

Why does she fake it?

Muehlenhard and Shippee (2010) surveyed several hundred students and found 67% of women had pretended to orgasm (and 28% of men). Common reasons:

• To make him feel good and avoid hurting his feelings
• Knowing it wasn’t going to happen and wanting it to end
• Not feeling able to say what she wanted

For many Thai and Asian women, the last reason weighs even more. Many were raised to believe "good girls don’t talk about this", or don’t want him to lose face, so they stay quiet and perform instead.

What not to do: interrogate her with "were you faking?" What to do: create a space where she feels safe to be honest. The techniques below help.

7 techniques to close the gap

1. Understand her body first

Herbenick and colleagues (2018) surveyed more than 1,000 women and found only about 18% said intercourse alone was enough to climax, while about 37% said they needed clitoral stimulation too.

The clitoris is the most sensitive part of a woman’s body, and for most women it is the key. Wade and colleagues (2005) found that many women know this well, yet rarely get it from a partner because sex is built around intercourse.

Bottom line: don’t treat intercourse as the "main event" and everything else as a bonus. For most women it’s the other way around.

2. Give her time to warm up

Women’s bodies need longer to become aroused. Frederick and colleagues found that women whose last sexual encounter lasted longer were more likely to climax. That doesn’t mean longer intercourse; it means not rushing past foreplay (foreplay guide).

3. Combine it all: deep kissing, hands and mouth

The same study found women who received deep kissing, manual stimulation and oral sex climaxed far more often than those who had intercourse alone. What works best is the combination, not any single thing.

4. Make it easy for her to tell you

Women who said what they wanted and received praise during sex climaxed more often. But many Thai women are shy to speak up. Try this:

• Ask easy questions: "softer?" "right there?", so a nod or a sound is enough
• Let her guide your hand: "show me where you like it". Many women find it easier to show than to say
• Praise what she does: when she feels you enjoy it, she’ll express herself more
• Talk outside the bedroom moment: while cuddling afterwards, casually ask "what did you like most?"

5. When she says "yes", don’t change a thing

This is the classic mistake. When she starts breathing harder, making noise or says "right there", many men get excited and speed up, press harder or switch positions, pulling her away just as she’s close. If what you’re doing is working, keep going at the same steady rhythm until she gets there.

6. Put her mind at ease

Research found women who were satisfied with the relationship and heard "I love you" during sex climaxed more often. For most women the mind has to relax before the body follows.

• A private room where nobody can overhear (a real problem for people in dorms or living with parents)
• No judgment about what she likes or the sounds she makes
• Keep it private. Thai women let go fully with a man they trust not to talk about it

7. Ladies first

The simplest and most effective approach: let her climax first, with your hands or mouth, before intercourse. Once she has, you both relax, nobody is racing the clock, and many women can climax again in the same session.

Your confidence is her pleasure

All of this takes time and focus. Men who worry about losing their erection halfway or finishing too fast tend to rush through foreplay and head straight for intercourse, which is exactly what creates the gap in the first place (too nervous to get hard · finishing too fast).

When you’re confident in your body, you’re calm enough to give her the time she needs.

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Important: Nicky9 Men and Nicky9 Lady are dietary supplements, not medicines. Do not exceed the amount on the label. If you have a medical condition, are pregnant or breastfeeding, or take nitrate medicines, ask your doctor first.

FAQ

How can I tell if she really climaxed or faked it?

There’s no sure way, and you shouldn’t try to catch her out. Better to make faking unnecessary: give her time, ask her, and say clearly "no rush, I love this".

If she doesn’t climax, does that mean I’m bad at this?

Not necessarily. Some women find it harder, especially with a new partner or when stressed or tired, and some nights she may just want closeness without aiming for orgasm. What matters is that she feels you care, not keeping score.

How long do I need to last?

Less than you think. Long intercourse doesn’t help much if you skip foreplay. What works better is time spent on foreplay and combining kissing, hands and mouth.

What if she has never climaxed?

Explore together without pressure. Many women start by getting to know their own bodies. If she has ongoing pain, dryness or no desire for a long time, she should see a gynaecologist.

When should I take Nicky9 Men?

1 capsule about 15 minutes before activity, no more than 1 per day. More in the Nicky9 Men how-to and FAQ.

Summary

The gap between 95% and 65% isn’t about women’s bodies; it comes from rushing to intercourse. Close it by understanding her body, giving her time, combining kissing, hands and mouth, making it easy for her to speak up, keeping going when she says yes, and letting her go first. Look after your own confidence with Nicky9 Men, and you’ll be the man she never needs to fake it with.

Read more: First-night techniques · Foreplay guide · Lasting love in midlife

References

1. Frederick DA, et al. Differences in orgasm frequency among gay, lesbian, bisexual, and heterosexual men and women in a U.S. national sample. Arch Sex Behav. 2018;47(1):273–288.
2. Herbenick D, et al. Women’s experiences with genital touching, sexual pleasure, and orgasm: results from a U.S. probability sample of women ages 18 to 94. J Sex Marital Ther. 2018;44(2):201–212.
3. Muehlenhard CL, Shippee SK. Men’s and women’s reports of pretending orgasm. J Sex Res. 2010;47(6):552–567.
4. Mahar EA, Mintz LB, Akers BM. Orgasm equality: scientific findings and societal implications. Curr Sex Health Rep. 2020;12(1):24–32.
5. Wade LD, Kremer EC, Brown J. The incidental orgasm: the presence of clitoral knowledge and the absence of orgasm for women. Women Health. 2005;42(1):117–138.

Dietary supplement — not intended to prevent or treat any disease. Eat a varied, balanced diet from all 5 food groups.